Weekly Ramblings – Digital Thermometers

Originally published in the print edition of Yellowstone County News in the 2/17/17 issue.

Krayton Kerns, Ramblings of a Conservative Cow Doctor. publishes a weekly column in the Yellowstone County News print edition.

If there was a vet school lecture on assessing health by nasal palpations, I slept through it. When a client informs me their dog, cow, cat or horse can or cannot be running a fever because “his nose is wet,” or “his nose is dry,” I quickly steer my examination to the rear end of the critter. The true indicator of body temperature lies under the tail. The rectal thermometer is a great diagnostic tool applicable to all animal species as well as politics, which is why I mention it here.

With all major news outlets mostly promoting fake news, social media has become society’s rectal thermometer. Facebook and Twitter may not be pretty, but they reflect the health of our American culture to those discerning enough to sort fictitious posts from reality. Last week, I read a truthful meme which progressive cyber-monitors immediately scrubbed. The anonymous author summed up today’s boisterous political scene in a single sentence and here it is:

“The Democrats haven’t been this mad since the Republicans freed their slaves.” Read that again. Republicans both freed the slaves and later battled the Democrats, who resisted civil rights legislation, yet today’s hate-filled progressives hysterically scream that Republicans are racist. If you lift the tail of Facebook and take a reading, it is obvious progressives are spiking a huge fever.

For example, Dawn is an ex-teacher and friend who has fallen to the progressive dark side. Vice-president Pence’s tie-breaking vote confirming Betsy DeVos as Secretary of Education so infuriated her she jumped on Facebook and posted “F*** you Pence!” Her post was immediately liked by dozens. As accurate as a properly inserted digital thermometer, social media indicates our American culture is suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS). The days of civil discourse between parties holding differing core beliefs are gone, and here is my take on Secretary DeVos.

I am an expert in education, because I have one, as does my wife, our three children and their spouses. If you were to stack the 100 factors affecting education from greatest to least, at the top would be a student’s desire to learn. In descending importance, far below availability of free condoms, weekend backpack meals and gender-neutral locker-rooms lies the factor of least importance: the Secretary of Education. Everyone afflicted with TDS should give Facebook a rest, take two aspirin and your fever should break by morning.

Trust me. I’m a doctor.


Weekly Ramblings, is a weekly column that is published in the print edition of the Yellowstone County News by former State Representative and veterinarian Krayton Kerns.  His column is sure to get a response, either for or against.  His weekly column is also related to a book he wrote, “Ramblings of a Conservative Cow Doctor”. Pick up the Yellowstone County Newspaper at any of our 60 locations in Yellowstone County and/or subscribe to the Yellowstone County News and receive the weekly newspaper with local view in your mailbox!  call 406-348-2650 today.